Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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