Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
