Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
