I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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