I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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