I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
