I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
