Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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