Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
