I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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