I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So squirting runs in the family.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
