Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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