I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
