Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I lost the right to judge tonight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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