people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize