dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
