he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
