his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
