He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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