I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
