I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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