Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
