It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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