dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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