he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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