Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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