What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
