hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize