dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
