I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
