there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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