I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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