All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
