I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
