The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
