He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
