so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
