Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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