The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
