what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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