It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
