what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Randomize
