i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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