she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize