I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
too bad you live with your parents still
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
