I think my vagina is haunted
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
