I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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