Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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