Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will be naked everywhere
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
