I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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