just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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