I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize