I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
