Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize