You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
