pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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