woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
