How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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