I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
