I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
