Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
