Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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