R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
my liver is dry heaving
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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