I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
