So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
