one two three fourrrrnication!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
